15 Things that Make Me Happy:
dangerkittyn made me do it
1. my perfect friends and their perfect everything
2. any time I get to eat Japanese food, especially vegetable tempura and red bean anything
3. the kent countryside and walking in it, especially during spring and early summer
4. my mum’s chocolate cake
5. christmas with my family. more specifically the days leading up to it, when the days are short and dark and there are lights and decorations up and the house smells like the christmas tree and baking mince pies and we all sit together in the evenings and drink gluhwein and watch christmas tv
6. cats always. i miss having cats terribly because i’m fairly sure they have magic tell-when-you’re-sad-and-make-you-feel-better powers
7. summer storms at night with the windows open
8. making other people happy with something i made - writing or art or something
9. that feeling of just starting a brand new game you’ve been really excited about and there’s so much to discover ahead of you
10. long, quiet, night-time car journeys with a blanket or a borrowed coat on the back seat and my ipod
11. those rare times when inspiration hits all at once and something brand new is unfolding faster than you can make notes about it, like it was already planned out for you
12. going to the cinema alone
13. awkward aro/ace celebrity crushes
14. taro-flavour shaved ice
15. rediscovering old music i used to listen to all the time and falling in love with it all over again
I’m supposed to tag people but I think most of you already got tagged so I’m just going to not do the thing.
"omg stop acting like kids can decide they’re aro/ace" more like "I’m sorry but you have to go through X amount of years of self-loathing, confusion, self-endangerment, and alienation before you can be taken seriously"
i get so confused when parents dont accept their teens asexuality like?? you dont want them to have sex ?,?? but when they dont want to have sex you flip out?/,?? like?? ,? choose a side?,? ?
It’s because parents feel like they should be control of their children’s reproduction and sexuality. They can’t have sex until the parents deem it okay to have sex, but they NEED to have sex because parents are owed grandchildren. If they do not have sex with the right people at the right time or not at all, or have children too soon or too late or not at all, or adopt rather than give birth or have a c-section rather than natural or do not follow every last instruction, then it is an affront to them as parents. It’s disrespect. They feel they have failed in some way or their child is doing it (or not doing it) to spite them.
This is especially apparent when you look at our society’s view on how fathers should act with their daughters’ sexuality, but parents seem to feel they own every single reproductive and sexual choice their children make.
Other gross stuff that can play into it from my own experience:
If you think that a woman’s purpose is to get married and have kids, to be the “helpmeet” of a husband and a good little wife, having agency over your own sexual activity defies that and makes you rebellious. Bonus points if there’s a religious spin on it—after all, Eve was made for Adam!
For families as homophobic as mine, saying you’re asexual means you believe there are orientations other than heterosexual (or “normal” as they’d put it). Therefore you’re brainwashed by liberals and need to be fixed by the medical profession so you can go back to being normal.
To add my experience, even very accepting, liberal parents can have trouble with it thanks to that ever-pervasive attitude that the universal route to happiness is to find a (sexual and romantic) partner and have a life with them, and that the only alternative is to be alone forever.
Even parents who don’t mind who their child dates or whether they have sex or if they plan to marry or have children can still be upset by the prospect of them never finding someone (in the terms that they view as necessary for happiness). They might worry that their child is never going to be happy or fulfilled, or that there won’t be someone to look after their child in their place in future.
When parents are so sure that it’s either find a partner or die alone, that too can lead to a refusal to accept their kids’ asexuality, which in turn leads to that familiar stream of microaggressions along the lines of “You just haven’t found the right person yet” / “Maybe you’ll change your mind in future” etc., as much because they’re hoping you will as anything else.